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Pregnancy and Birth: My first negative comment regarding my HBAC :(

600| Sat, 15 Dec 2007 10:56:00 GMT| itags.org Seeker| Comments (16)
:gloomy:I am so sad. :( I know I shouldn't let it bother me...she is, after all, a nursing student--labor/delivery-- and I'm sure being told all the horrors that go along with birth and that birth is so dangerous. It is my best friend's sister. I told my best friend that I would love for her to be there at my HBAC, and she called her sister to tell her because she was so excited. Then I get the following email from the sister:

We were just told a story in my childbearing nursing lecture about a woman who wanted to VBAC but the doctors wouldnt let her because it was too dangerous so she decided to do a home birth and had a uterine rupture. She hemorrhaged, and she and her baby both died because the resources were not close enough to save her. I'm not saying that a VBAC is out of the question, but one needs to take in all perspectives. If you recently had a c section, that scar is too fresh to handle the uterine contractions and the pressure of pushing. This is extremelly dangerous and should be carefully thought about before giving birth. The only way I would ever do a VBAC is if I was in a hospital under intense supervision. Once that uterus ruptures, it takes minutes for your body to bleed out and the body soon loses all its clotting factors, putting the mother into DIC. Please really think about this because the risks are extremelly high...I would be crushed if anything ever happened to you! :(

Do you think they were told stories of the thousands of successful homebirth VBACS? Doubt it. Told stories of women and babies who have been injured or died as a result of repeat c-sections? Doubt that one too.
I have just been crying because this has upset me! I know I shouldn't expect everyone to be supportive of it, but to come out and start giving me horror stories. I'm sure she means well...*sigh*:irked:

Keywords & Tags: first, negative, comment, regarding, hbac, pregnancy, birth

URL: http://www.healthknowledge.org/pregnancy-birth/61700/
 
«« Prev - Next »» 16 helpful answers below.
:hug Don't let it bother you mama! Your last birth was 2 years ago. As someone who went to nursing school (and with alot of nurse friends and relatives) I know that she isn't taught about the positve side to homebirth at all.
:loveeyes: Maybe you could help educate her about homebirth?

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:39:00 GMT |

:hug FWIW, the hospital is the LAST place I'd VBAC. All the labor augmantaion, etc. - VERY unsafe!
Good luck!

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:40:00 GMT |

:hug I totally agree with rmzbm which is why we're having a HBAC at the end of Dec/early Jan.

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:41:00 GMT |

:hug I totally agree with rmzbm which is why we're having a HBAC at the end of Dec/early Jan.

Thank you guys so much for the reassurance. It just upset me, I need to learn to let it roll off lol; I'm sure it won't be the only negative comment regarding my VBAC, or my planned homebirth. I know for a fact that I am a perfectly fine candidate for a VBAC, and that for *us* we feel safest at home with a midwife. I'm sure they are not taught to look on homebirth as something safe and perfectly fine. It just caught me off guard because I never said anything to her about it.
And honestly...after 2+ years of research and study, I feel that I probably know more about VBACS and repeat sections than the average labor/delivery nursing student.

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:42:00 GMT |

MY twins were born 3 weeks after your baby and I was told that they just want to you to have at least 18 months in between deliveries. I would be having a homebirth if we could afford it but instead we are going to a midwife training birth center here. :hug People can be so ignorant.

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:43:00 GMT |

I have been lectured by a couple nursing students before regarding vbac safety and with the first I tried to educate her from my point of view but she was so stoked about what she was learning in school that she couldnt see it from my perspective that the hospital isnt always "safe". She couldnt remove herself enough to see that what she is being taught might be wrong.

I had to just let it go and walk away. I am having a home birth this time and although I liked the birthcenter we cant aford it and I will not go to a hospital unless its an emergency. Hospitals are for sick people or high risk and I just dont buy that vbac is any higher risk than just pregnancy. Life is high risk and a hbac is lower risk in my book compared to a normal birth in a hospital.
Sorry you had to get that email though. Its tough when people second guess us even when we know better.
Angela

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:44:00 GMT |

Hm pressure of pushing on the scar is a bit of a piece of bad science, I think.

You push with your vaginal muscle (and your rectum too a little!) I think, not your uterus. Is anyone able to control her own uterus? :lol That sounds silly to me, but maybe I'm wrong...?

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:45:00 GMT |

The CD that comes with the book Hypnobirthing has a suggestion in it that these kinds of comments will not affect you. I didn't know for a while because I always played it while I was sleeping, but then one day I noticed that I felt completely undisturbed by people saying weird stupid stuff to me. Every time it happened I just thought, "Well, that has nothing to do with me." After a while I noticed I always had the same reaction and figured out that it was the hypnosis! Eventually I heard it while awake.

At first I felt whenever people said ignorant things to me, I should educate them. After a while though I decided to leave the education for after I had my baby, I just had to focus and not give energy to other people's ignorance.

I think that email is really out of line, though. I don't know what I would do if someone sent it to me.

I do recommend Hypnobirthing, anyway. It really helped me a lot to have a totally different (from the first time), relaxed, amazing, birth. A hospital is the very last place I would go for a birth.

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:46:00 GMT |

Stay positive! We are a culture of what-ifs and I would guess that after talking about the types of life-threatening issues, there was a point that only x% of women have this happen. It's sometimes hard to put the focus of that small percentage aside and know that the chances are so slim, and to spend energy on the mass majority of positive outcomes. It's kind of like when people get nervous to fly because of the fear of crashing, yet most of us know that the majority of accidents happen within 5 miles of our home. I'd try to look at it from the perspective that at least she is informed of some of the issues that can arise, and she'll know how to respond to get any help needed at that time. I'd be more comfortable knowing she has been exposed (even if only in storytelling) to another side. Your birth will be a great experience for you and for her to see how positive a homebirth can be!

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:47:00 GMT |

I'm sorry Mama!

What a total load of horse manure:irked:


Please don't let her get to you, and try not to get upset- I made the mistake of reading my labor and delivery records for my first, which were also a direct contradiction to what I was told during labor, while pregnant with my second... the stress made me start bleeding.

If your friend or your sister want to put their 2 cents in, just say you won't have that discussion until they do x, y or z.

And I wouldn't invite your friend no matter how much you want to be there, until she is coming from a place of understanding and calm, not fear- you need to be surrounded by people that believe in your abilitiy to birth naturally 100% of the way- and while you both might want her to be that person for you, if she's having her sister email you b.s. she's not there yet:(


Just take a deep breath, go read some yummy birth stories and trust what you know.


And honestly...after 2+ years of research and study, I feel that I probably know more about VBACS and repeat sections than the average labor/delivery nursing student.

And boy is that true! Don't forget that!

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:48:00 GMT |

Didn't read all the replies, but it seems to me that much is missing from the anecdote your friend sent you... how long ago was this, what type of incision, did the woman have any other factors that contributed to this outcome, to name a few...

Can that happen, sure... likely, absolutely not.

You have to do your own research and do what you are comfortable with based on your specific circumstances.

Another fallacy in the story is that the outcome could have been prevented in a hospital, that is questionable.

-Iris

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:49:00 GMT |

Thanks for the encouragement you guys! My spirits have lifted, and I still feel confident in our decision. Thankfully, my friend didn't ask her sister to email me. She is very supportive and excited about being at the birth. She was actually pissed when I told her about the email her sister sent.
I have been looking into hypnobabies; it sounds incredibly empowering! We don't have any classes around here though, and unless I can find a homestudy kit somewhere used, I don't think we'll have enough money for it this time. :(

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:50:00 GMT |

I didn't take the class. Just bought the book from amazon.
http://www.amazon.com/HypnoBirthing-natural-approach-comfortable-birthing/dp/0757302661/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1196830654&sr=8-1
I didn't do all the ultra-deepening techniques, just the basic relaxation and breathing and played the cd as I fell asleep at night. I wouldn't say it was pain-free, but it was such a mellow labor and I never felt I needed anything for pain. The only med I had was quinine at the end to strengthen the contractions. And I had very little tearing, just 4 stitches in different places. It was such a different labor from the first.

It's unfortunate that nursing classes spend so much time on that kind of baloney instead of on teaching nurses how to help women labor and birth the way we were meant to.

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:51:00 GMT |

She just thought she was giving you information she thought you didn't have. :hug Without knowing how much information she doesn't have. The thing is, she's right. Bad things happen. What she's wrong about is the assumption (you know it's there) that all poor outcomes outside of the hospital would have been fixed by being in the hospital, and she isn't aware that many poor outcomes in the hospital could be avoided by *not* being in the hospital. There are no guarantees, no, and yes there are risks, but they are certainly not one-sided.

And you know, whenever I hear these "friend of a friend of a friend said" stories, I always wonder how accurate they are... not that this particular complication couldn't happen, but, well... I have known people to outright make up stories to further a certain agenda, and there are some pretty fanatical anti-homebirth folks out there. I mean, why isn't it enough to simply say that it could happen, and how, and why, and under what conditions? That's information. Anecdotal stories are just scare tactics.

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:52:00 GMT |

I would be furious if anyone sent me an email like that! First off, she starts out with an anecdote and then says "one needs to take in all perspectives" - which is exactly what she ISN'T doing.

I'm shocked at the gall of this woman, too. Sure, she's your friend's sister, but how well can she really know you if she says, "If you recently had a c section, that scar is too fresh..." when your last birth was 2 years ago?

Still, she's probably thinking she's doing you a favor by bringing this vital :shrug info to your attention. And clearly, she's a product of the medical model of birth. But still, telling horror stories of death and destruction to a gestating woman is ridiculous! I'm sure she thinks she's approaching this oh-so-professionally (as a profession woman in the field) but all she gives you is emotion without statistics.

YOU know those stats, YOU'VE done the research. I don't know if I'd reply to this email or not. Well, I think I would, but I wouldn't be sure whether to give a short polite reply ("Thanks for your concern, but I know the risks...") or get more bitchy about it, and to which degree. You certainly don't need the drama. It's precisely these kind of scenarios that have kept me from telling most everyone about my HBAC plans. And how unfair that this info leaked without your consent.

Sorry you had to deal with this, and I can understand why it upset you so much. :hug But you are sadly right when you say it probably won't be the only negative comment you get leading up to your birth.

-Kit
=====
Mother to John (6/24/06)
EDD 4/28/08

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:53:00 GMT |

Good ol nursing students :lol I only say that b/c I remember when I was a nursing student and of course everythning I learned/heard was correct and I knew sooo much more than I really did. Keep your head up. I am going to be HBA2C w/ my LO's being 18-19 months apart. I am more worried about what would happen at a hospital and will be getting 100 times better care w/ my MW than my other OB.

itags.org Seeker | Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:54:00 GMT |

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