Jenlaana, :hug. My dd (8) has a lot of anxiety (dx w/ generalized anxiety disorder), and has a lot of anger/irritability and aggressive behavior for which we still don't fully understand the causes (and for which we haven't yet found a lasting solution), along with tics that lead us to suspect Tourette's. We're starting our second psychological assessment. She's just super challenging to parent. It's a marathon without end. And there are times I don't enjoy her, though I love her more than I could ever say. It's just hard, sometimes, to keep on going and keep on enjoying when the behaviors bring so much tension to the family so consistently.
How do you start a new day without hanging on to the "brace yourself for trouble" mentality?
Sometimes it helps me to remind myself that today is a new day, it's not yesterday or the day before or all those other awful times. It's a fresh, new day and I don't know what it will bring, so it's okay to not brace myself, it's okay to start out enjoying it.
Also, there's some aspect for me here of fear of being vulnerable...I'm not sure how to say this. It's like...I have this fear (is fear the right word?) that if I start out feeling positive and hopeful, I'm just going to end up feeling worse if my dc acts up. So it's almost a self-protection thing, this desire to brace myself for trouble. It takes an enormous amount of commitment, energy and courage to decide that I'm going to be positive and not tighten up, bracing for the worst (and I don't always accomplish this).
How do you let go of the bad in order to have time to enjoy the good?
Remind myself that the bad is past (even if it was only like, 30 seconds ago), and now I need to look for the good (it's always there, just takes some real looking for at times) or make time for the good. It can be as simple as reminding myself to really look at my child, at her beautiful face, and to remember all that is good about her. Even that small thing can make enough space to start building on the good, to start enjoying more of the good. It really helps to set aside time in the day to spend with my child, just us, even a few minutes, when we can connect--talk, play a game, whatever. Positive time, connecting time. It's good medicine.
How do you keep yourself from comparing the bad behaviors of your emotionally SN child from the not-so-bad behaviors of your other child(ren)?
Remind myself that they are not the same people, they do not face the same challenges. There is no comparison, they are who they are.
Part of the problem of comparing, for me, comes from my desire for things to be different, for my SN child to behave differently. This is something I keep needing to let go of. Life is different from how I imagined it would be. My child is different. This is reality. I can't fix her, I can't change her (and if I could, I don't think I would). She is who she is. And she's wonderful. She's just different from her siblings. I can appreciate them, and I can appreciate her-just as they are, just as she is.
How do you keep things from spiraling out of control with a child where negativity brings more negativity when you are truly frustrated? (i.e. if he acts out and then I'm in a foul mood, he acts out even more and more and more)
I have to keep recommitting to being positive. Sometimes I need visual reminders to be positive. It helps to remember to focus on the positive more than on the negative, and to put our relationship first. And I need to remember to take care of myself. I can't give what I don't have, I can't give when I'm just depleted. So I need to be sure I get enough of what I need in order to remain as positive as I can-rest, alone time, support, good food, plenty of water, exercise, whatever.
I wish I had better answers, I sure could use them right about now.
:hug